Understanding Veteran Suicide
This has been a difficult chapter to write. First, because it’s depressing to jump right into. How do you find meaning in the suicide of a veteran? I struggle with this question, and it’s even harder for those without service experience to understand the cultural contours of the military.
Only with a larger context (hopefully given in the previous chapters) can we begin to understand veteran suicide. A myriad of factors can lead someone to contemplate taking his or her life. A holistic worldview can help us find meaning in the tragedy of a veteran. Some who read these words might reject Christianity, but it has been my greatest source of comfort in tragedy. This is why it is so important that we recognize the uniqueness of everyone’s story.
Second, it’s equally important to know about certain disciplines to which we commonly look for answers to these questions—psychology and mental health. Doubtless these have a place, but not psychology, psychiatry, medicine, individual experiences, or any other sub-discipline has all the answers. These disciplines help us ask important questions behind the questions. The big picture conversation when it comes to veteran suicide looks like this:
Experts: Studies suggest that the main reason veterans commit suicide is related to depression.
Average person: Okay. Why are they depressed?
Experts: Studies suggest that depression is caused by these ten contributing factors.
Average person: Okay. Which factors are present for veterans?
Experts: It depends.
Average person: What does it depend on?
Experts: Their individual experiences.
Although these are generalizations, they are not inaccurate. All suicide is a multi-disciplinary issue. We must interact with people as individuals. Veterans are individual people with individual circumstances and stories. Generalizations are unhelpful if we neglect the person struggling with suicidal thoughts.
The One Voice We Need to Hear on Veteran Suicide
While the broad strokes of the stats and articles give us good ideas about what contributes to veteran suicide, we must subordinate them to the grand narrative of the inspired Word of God. Without God’s Word, our lives lack meaning. We need to hear other voices on this issue, but ultimately any voice lacking the gospel lacks what is needed to address the greatest need of every human heart.
Veterans share overlapping circumstances that may have brought them to a similar end, but they have unique stories of their triumphs and failures. Some might challenge that the previous chapters don’t apply to their loved one who committed suicide. First of all, thank you for reading this far if that is your view. By reading this much you have demonstrated your desire to know my story and those of these other men. Secondly, I hope you will reread the previous chapters before you conclude definitively that they don’t apply to the loved one you knew. Though every story is unique, most veterans will, in fact, face many of the following aspects.
Veteran Suicide: Why Does It Happen?
‘Well you know, suicide is just a selfish action.’ ‘Someone saying they’re going to commit suicide is just looking for attention. If they were going to kill themselves, they would’ve done it.’ Tragically, these sentiments are commonplace and, on the surface, aren’t questioned, until you’ve known someone who struggled with suicidal thoughts or has taken his or her life. Many times I’ve heard people recite these oft-used and misguided ideas about suicide. These observations are unhelpful to say the least. My response to hearing them has been to shut myself off from others to simmer in dismay or disgust. Is suicide a selfish act? Well, it could be. But this view holds little value. It doesn’t explain suicide. Different people take their lives for different reasons, even if the result is the same.
It’s a common occurrence that when veterans, or at least Marines, have died, they are commemorated on social media by a set of words to replace their birth and death. It looks something like, ‘John Smith- insert 2–10–87, extract 3–23–17.’ The insert is to invoke the military ‘speak’ or vernacular, for a helicopter drop off and pick up. By doing this, we are interpreting their lives totally through the grid of their military experience. In their death such language remembers their whole life as one long battle, even if the last casualty in that war was their own. It is a way for veterans to humanize and honor their fallen comrade. If the person’s ‘extract,’ then, was a suicide, it is a voluntary extract from this life.
The death of loved ones by their own hands raises many questions for both Christians and non-Christians. The question of the afterlife comes into full view as do its accompanying questions. Where do people go when they die? Do warriors go to Valhalla to live as Vikings do in their afterlife? What about the nature of suicide itself? Is it an unforgivable sin? Is the Roman Catholic Church right in holding that it is a mortal sin?
I wanted to include many stories of great men in this chapter. These stories are all heart-wrenching and depressing. Many stories of suicide are controversial. Rather than tell all the stories I knew of those who killed themselves and offer no answers, I will tell the stories of a few that were illustrative to help us understand the others. We don’t always have all the details or reasons for a suicide; nevertheless the question remains: Why do some take their lives? Why do some veterans kill themselves and others who experience the same circumstances do not?
Is Suicide an Unforgivable Sin?
Many people believe that suicide is an unforgiveable sin. Many, religious or not, believe this. Though this belief has seeped into the popular culture of religious beliefs, it is not found in the Bible. So why do some people believe it? The Roman Catholic Church has long taught that suicide is a mortal sin, a category of sins that includes willful rejection of the faith. It states that those who have taken their life forfeit salvation. Specifically, the Catholic Church defines a mortal sin as: ‘Mortal sin destroys charity in the heart of man by a grave violation of God’s law; it turns man away from God, who is his ultimate end and his beatitude, by preferring an inferior good to him’ (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1855).[1]
That doesn’t clarify what kinds of sins are mortal or what the consequences of such sins are. The reason most suicides are considered mortal sins is because of what the Catechism says in paragraph 1857: ‘Mortal sin is sin whose object is a grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent.’ Most suicides are deliberate. It is difficult to imagine a suicide that is accidental. If someone is killed by accident, it is because there was no forethought or deliberateness to the action. It seems that suicide meets the definition of a mortal sin. If that is the case, what are the consequences? The Catechism continues in paragraph 1861:
Mortal sin is a radical possibility of human freedom, as is love itself. It results in the loss of charity and the privation of sanctifying grace, that is, of the state of grace. If it is not redeemed by repentance and God’s forgiveness, it causes exclusion from Christ’s kingdom and the eternal death of hell, for our freedom has the power to make choices for ever, with no turning back. However, although we can judge that an act is in itself a grave offense, we must entrust judgment of persons to the justice and mercy of God.
The key aspect is stated here. It results in the loss of a state of grace which cannot be atoned for without repentance. Since persons who kill themselves cannot repent, the Catechism demonstrates that Roman Catholic doctrine teaches that suicide is a mortal sin that sends those who commit it to ‘the eternal death of hell.’
I say ‘most suicides’ above because of this qualification in paragraph 1860:
Unintentional ignorance can diminish or even remove the imputability of a grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are written in the conscience of every man. The promptings of feelings and passions can also diminish the voluntary and free character of the offense, as can external pressures or pathological disorders. Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice of evil, is the gravest.
The Roman Catholic Church is correct to assert that suicide is a sin. It is. The unjust taking of life is always sin. But they are wrong to assert that it occupies a category of mortal sin, which is not biblical. Of course, this is not a green light to commit suicide. Who would want to face their Creator on the terms set by their last action?
A Scriptural View of Suicide
Suicide is self-murder. Self-murder is wrong just as much as any murder is wrong. It would be unwise to try to help anyone grieving a suicide by hitting them over the head with this truth. The Bible makes it clear that murder is wrong through the sixth commandment: ‘You shall not murder’ (Exodus 20:13 ESV). It’s not simply wrong because God declares it wrong, for when God reveals his law, he reveals his character. When God reveals his law, he teaches his creation how we should be like him. The reason suicide is wrong is because it falsely confesses that God is ‘like this.’ Suicide follows this line of reason. Our faithful Redeemer does not self-malign, hurt, or murder himself. He could not. As we reflect the image of God, we are to reflect his character and be like him, so we ought not to falsely confess the character of God, but rightly confess his character by upholding the dignity of human life.
Those who have known someone who committed suicide are often quick to skip over the details when sharing the news of that death with others. That absence of information, I believe, is because we associate shame with the death. Military or not, trained for combat or not, people know that the wrongful taking of a human life is wrong. We must distinguish between murder and killing. All murder is killing, but not all killing is murder. All cars are vehicles, but not all vehicles are cars. There are also trucks, motorcycles and so forth. Servicemembers would not voluntarily enlist into the military if they thought all forms of killing are always and everywhere wrong. It would be a mistake to conflate killing and murder. Sometimes killing is permitted because the causes of war are just. But murder is always wrong. Because people naturally know that murder is wrong, there is a shame attached to it. How far did a person have to sink in the view of their self-worth to think that taking their life was permissible or even necessary? So, we neglect the details when informing others because we do not want to continue to project the shame that person felt in his or her final moments upon their memory.
Suicide is not an unforgiveable sin. To think otherwise is to misunderstand the heart of the gospel. The death of Christ redeems rebels who put their faith in him, who died for them and rose from the dead. His death and resurrection purchase forgiveness for all sins, even suicide. Because salvation is not something that can be gained by works, we cannot lose it by works, either. It is true, suicide is a sin. But the blood of Christ paid for the sins of those who believe in him. When Christ said, ‘it is finished’ on his cross (John 19:28-30 ESV), he meant that his work of salvation was completely finished. Christ accomplished salvation forever for all who trust him to save them. That’s why Jesus said: ‘I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand’ (John 10:28 ESV). We can never thwart God’s will. Some protest, ‘but we can remove ourselves from his hand.’ But this misses the point of Christ’s atoning work. It says that God has the power to keep his sheep completely, but not those who reject him. If someone rejects Christ, they never knew him. Suicide, though heinous, never undoes people’s worth. It never erases the fact that God made us in his image. No sin is unforgivable for those who love Christ and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).
Those in Christ cannot be separated from God’s immeasurable love, as Paul says:
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31-39 ESV)
Paul’s quotation of a psalm in the Romans 8 passage is overlooked. Paul cites a psalm in which the writer doesn’t feel God’s presence. The next verse says: ‘Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever! Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?’ (Psalm 44:23-24 ESV). Paul’s point in using this psalm is that nothing can separate us from God’s love, even when we can’t feel his presence. When we fail to see God’s hand in our circumstances, God still loves us. When we feel abandoned, he is there. Especially when hardships, suffering, grief, and death come, God’s love remains upon us.
What About Suicide in Combat?
There is a key distinction between a suicide in view here, and suicide in combat, which I will refer to as ‘sacrifice.’ Those who sacrifice themselves by jumping on a grenade are taking their lives into their hands too. But it’s entirely different. The reason they are taking their lives is to preserve other lives. A suicide by any sort of self-inflicted means is wholly different. Suicide goes against the heart of God’s law and character, which we reflect in a love for God manifesting itself also in a love for neighbor. Sacrificial death should never be called suicide, in terms of self-murder, because sacrifice is the essence of love for neighbor, while suicide is the inverse of that love. Thus, it is not proper to call a sacrifice of one’s life in combat a suicide.
The Rise of Suicide in General
Suicide in the U.S. is on a steep and steady incline. According to a study recently released by the Center for Disease Control, the rate of suicide in the U.S. is the highest since WW2 and is up 33% since 1999.[2] It is not just veterans and servicemembers who are experiencing the ravages of suicide. These staggering numbers have many people alarmed. The armed forces, veterans and servicemembers are still disproportionally affected but the parallel between the two populations could suggest that the reason why a veteran commits suicide may share common ground with a non-veteran. Do veterans experience unique circumstances and experiences? Yes, indeed. Most of this book has told stories unique to veterans.
The Statistics About Veteran Suicide
The oft-cited statistic which says twenty-two veterans take their life each day is terrible. Writing for The Washington Post, Michelle Ye Lee Hee reports:
This statistic comes from the VA’s 2012 Suicide Data Report, which analyzed death certificates from 21 states, from 1999 to 2011. The report calculated a percentage of suicides identified with veterans out of all suicides in death certificates from the 21 states during the project period, which turned out to be 22 percent. (By point of reference, about 13 percent of U.S. adults are veterans, according to a 2012 Gallup poll.) Then the report applied that percentage against the number of suicides in the U.S. in a given year (approximately 38,000). Divided by number of days in a year, the report came up with 22 veteran suicides a day.
Some have criticized this study for excluding California and Texas, high volume veteran states, and thereby inflating the stats. But the truth could cut the other way. It’s possible that the stat would be higher if the states were included. But there’s more data to examine. She goes on:
A new study[3] funded by the Army shows the suicide rate for veterans who served in recent wars is much lower than 22 a day. The study, published in the February 2015 Annals of Epidemiology, is the first large population-based study of post-service suicide risk among this population. Researchers used veteran records from two Defense Department databases, verified Social Security information and used the CDC’s National Death Index Plus. They studied 1.3 million veterans who were discharged between 2001 and 2007. Among deployed veterans in this report, 32.6 percent were born in 1978-1981 and 30 percent were born in 1982-1990. Between 2001 and 2009, there were 1650 deployed veteran and 7703 non-deployed veteran deaths. Of those, 351 were suicides among deployed veterans and 1517 were suicides among non-deployed veterans. That means over nine years, there was not quite one veteran suicide a day.
Obviously, there is quite a disparity between veteran suicide of one per day versus twenty-two per day. So, which is it? Both studies approach the questions from different angles. On one hand, quibbling over which number is right is beside the point. Veterans still possess a suicide rate 50% higher than their civilian counterparts.[4] With recent attention on veteran suicide, hopefully there will be a more definitive study in the future. For now, we should hold loosely to the figure and simply recognize that whatever number we choose, it’s too high.
PTSD
Several studies in the last decade have researched the cause behind this. PTSD is the usual suspect at a popular level, but may not be to blame as much as we might think. In fact, as hard as it may be to hear, PTSD and combat experience appear to be poor predictors if someone will take his or her life.[5] Writing for the LA Times, Alan Zarembo notes, ‘The rate was slightly higher among veterans who never deployed to Afghanistan or Iraq, suggesting that the causes extend beyond the trauma of war.’ While his tone is guarded in the interpretation of the statistics, he’s probably correct about where the causes behind suicide are not.
When we look at all the evidence, we see that the popular belief on veteran suicide is wrong. This is puzzling because the popular belief is essentially that after people see something horrific in combat, they get PTSD. PTSD leads to isolation and depression and, over time, might lead to suicide. Looking at the suicide rates of servicemembers more closely quickly shatters this popular belief, that combat is a primary cause of PTSD, which increases the risk of suicide.
For example, examining suicide rates in the Air Force raises more questions. To begin, we note that the Air Force is not a combat branch of the military like the Marines or Army. Their primary mission does not include ground fighting. There are exceptions, such as the Air Force’s elite Special Forces, the Pararescue. But, by and large, most occupational roles and specialties are in supportive functions, not tanks, artillery, or infantry. Nevertheless, 78 active-duty airmen took their lives in 2019.[6] This statistic excludes reserves and veterans transitioned out of service.
Before we seek further to unearth the causes, we must understand this: combat and PTSD are not the primary causes of suicide among veterans. Several studies indicate that PTSD is connected to combat and this, in turn, is connected to suicide.[7] But this does not account for most veteran suicides even though it is the widely accepted view that veteran suicide is a result of PTSD as it is derived from combat. So why are so many veterans taking their lives?
Depression
The most common link to suicide, including that of veterans, is depression. The National Institute for Mental Health lists five reasons people are suicidal. They are: 1) depression, 2) substance abuse, 3) anxiety, 4) borderline personality disorder, and 5) psychosis.[8] The first three are common among veterans. Of course, this is just kicking the can down the road. The natural follow up question is, ‘If they didn’t see combat or have PTSD, why are they depressed?’
Depression is person variable. It pivots around each person’s story and can be enhanced or diminished by things as little as lack of sunlight and an imbalanced diet.[9] But the question posed here is this, ‘What is common among veterans that leads to depression?’ The answer to that, I hope you will see, is given in the other chapters’ stories. Common to veterans are lack of community, loss of identity, loss of a friend, divorcing a spouse, losing rights to children, disconnect with peers upon exiting service, cultural barriers that prohibit veterans from connecting with others, substance abuse, etc. All these contribute to depression. All of them take different redirection and gospel application to each person’s story.
When answering the question, ‘What causes veteran suicide?’ depression is a helpful answer, but when we dig deeper, since the causes of depression vary innumerably, it doesn’t move us closer to a satisfying answer.
Pursue Relationships with Veterans to Understand Their Stories
At day’s end, statistics are cold, disconnected, and at best raise good questions. The questions I hope you will ask veterans are best done in community, relationship, with empathy and patience, while ministering to them with your love, presence, and curiosity. It is good to see a doctor about depression. Medical assistance can help for items such as chemical imbalance. But where it falls short is with relationships. It may be that the reason we throw prescriptions at veterans is not so they can walk away, but so that we can. Don’t do that. Press in. Use the previous chapters’ stories as a foothold to understand veterans’ stories, to provide categories to talk with them, and pursue relationships rooted in community and nourished by God.
Veteran Suicide: What Can We Do About It?
Much has been made accessible on knowing and recognizing the warning signs for suicide. They include:[10]
- Hopelessness; feeling that there’s no way out
- Anxiety, agitation, sleeplessness, or mood swings
- Feeling like there is no reason to live
- Rage or anger
- Engaging in risky activities without thinking
- Increasing alcohol or drug misuse
- Withdrawing from family and friends
These Signs Require Immediate Attention:
- Thinking about hurting or killing yourself
- Looking for ways to kill yourself
- Talking about death, dying, or suicide
- Self-destructive behavior such as drug misuse, carelessly handling weapons, etc.
As a community, we can do better than simply be reactive to these signs. I have had a handful of veteran friends on Facebook who suddenly and unexpectedly, out the blue, posted on Facebook something like this, ‘I’m so sick of this blankety-blank, I just want to end it all.’ This, dear friends, is a cry for help indicating contemplation of suicide. The replies I’ve seen, though well-meant, fall woefully short of what we must do as a community. ‘Hey, man, how are you doing? Give me a call.’ ‘Hey, knock that off. You’re better than that.’ ‘Give me a call, brother.’ More often than not, a call is made, a short catch-up conversation is had, and the count-down continues the moment the person hangs up until the next flirtation with suicide. Why? Because Facebook, for all its bells, whistles and blessings, has allowed us to erase the meaning of true community from our lives. While we distance ourselves from others and peer into each other’s lives with overly sanitized versions of ourselves in a clean timeline, someone is in desperate need to be in a relationship, to have their story heard, to unpack what they are feeling, and to keep their life from spinning out of control.
All that is to say, these warning signs above are helpful. But they reveal themselves only when a person has traveled the long distance of many months, perhaps years, toward the threshold of suicide. We can do better. We must do better. Instead of putting a band aid on someone’s chest when heart surgery is needed, we must press into the long, taxing and uncomfortable process of loving that person.
Many of us don’t know what to do following a phone call with a person you just talked down from suicide. In our heads, we’re calculating the cost of our time and relational capital it will take to help this person. What can we do when a person we love dearly reaches out for help or shows one or more of these signs? Below are several starting points.
1. Showing up
Never underestimate the power of being present. Some call this the ‘ministry of presence.’ Your presence and curiosity, driven by a love for people, can do an immeasurable amount of good, and it might even save a life.
If you live near a struggling veteran, get together for a meal. Do something that gives you face and talk time. Going to a movie can be okay, but the lack of communication isn’t as well spent as sharing a meal, where you can converse together in real time. If he or she works at a place you can pop in unannounced, do it. If such a person invites you to an important event in his or her life, go. How do you know if it’s important to them? Here’s an easy barometer: 1) Do they talk about it often? 2) Do they post it on social media? 3) Is it a major event like a birthday or wedding?
The more you attend to that relationship, the more you will be given a window into their life through which you can minister to them. Of the nine men I knew who took their lives, only one was not alone. Suicide is typically a solitary act that is the epitaph of all areas of their lives. They were left alone. And we should never leave our friends behind or alone. We must tend to their wounds and include them in our lives.
2. Preprograming Phone Numbers
Having the suicide-prevention phone number in your phone and your friend’s phone can be tremendously helpful. Take this a step further and make it personal, make a pact with your friend to be their ‘2am buddy.’ Fully commit to giving them complete access to you by putting his number on the list of approved numbers that the ‘Do Not Disturb’ function will filter out. It also means that you give assurance to your friend that if he ever needs to talk, even if it’s 2am, he can call.
Take it yet one step further and make your friend promise you that if it’s 2am, he isn’t allowed to make any decisions that would drastically affect himself or others. Though our honor is sometimes misplaced and in need of being reshaped, we can invoke our honor behind this promise. Don’t violate it. If that person does call, be patient with him. Always thank him for having the courage to call. Avoid the impression that you wanted to look like you cared but when it counted, you really didn’t.
3. Listening Long
Remember Job? After he lost everything, his friends ministered to him. If you read his story in the Bible, you’ll quickly learn that every time one of his friends tried to help, they ended up sticking their proverbial foot in their mouth. We are often at our best when we say nothing and listen to everything. The more we allow people to talk, the more we learn about them, grow in empathy for them, and learn the reasons behind a desire to commit suicide. Suicide is not a contracted disease. It is the misplaced solution to a long series of defeats that we need to unpack. Listen. Close your mouth, and open your ears.
4. Asking Good Questions
Ask questions often and in varying ways. The reason Joe Rogan and Oprah Winfrey get paid the big bucks is because they can ask good questions! Here’s a sample:
- What’s going on? (This is always a great place to start)
- Why are you thinking about doing this?
- What needs to change?
- How can I help you?
- How have you been dealing with (sample problem) on your own?
- Is it working?
- Who in your life have you looked up to? Why?
If you don’t know what to say, reassure them of your love for them. Asking good questions is like peeling back an onion. There will be layers of past-hurts, contributing circumstances, truths, self-told lies the person believes, and more. And you will need to be selective of what stories to follow. Your goal is to disrupt this self-destructive thinking and redirect that person to Christ. This may happen in a single, fifteen-minute conversation, or it may happen after fifteen fifty-minute conversations.
Keep showing up, keep asking good questions. The more you do that, the more authentic your relationship with them will become and the more ready you will be to help them and point them to Christ.
5. Getting to Know Them
If you are a friend or family member who does not share their military experiences, it is better to start before they joined the military. Their story is no doubt complex and, for those contemplating suicide, there is no way to understand their life story by merely asking, ‘Why do you want to do this?’ While that question can be helpful in a moment of crisis, for the on-going relationship with someone it is better to start at the beginning. These questions may help.
- Why did you join the military?
- Did you have a friend or family member who joined?
- With whom did you serve?
- What was your job?
- Where were you stationed?
- Where were you deployed?
- What did you like about it?
- What did you not like about it?
These questions are a good starting place. They are the typical questions people ask that want to know more over a car-ride or sitting on an airplane, but they also just scratch the surface. They are like walking the perimeter around a grand cathedral. You may see the extent and bounds of a person’s life, but until you’ve explored the archways, nooks, ruins, and monuments, you can’t deeply know that person.
- What was it like the first time you came home after boot camp?
- What did it feel like to see your old friends?
- What did your family say/do?
- What did daily life look like when you weren’t deployed?
- What did it look like when you were deployed?
- What are some of the most memorable things about being in the military?
The brain is a funny thing, sometimes. While we have millions of memories stored, catalogued, and cross-referenced, sometimes an initial question, like ‘What is your favorite memory?’ comes up blank. It’s like our mind is a ship that has built momentum and takes great force to slow it down and turn it toward a new heading. But once the memories are flowing, the details will spill over in abundance. If you ever have the privilege to be a fly on a wall while two military buddies share and swap stories, take it! You could learn more in an hour of listening to a person than you could in a week of reading about that person.
No amount of posts on Facebook, no amount of threads on Twitter, can compete with the non-verbal cues and dialogue that happen in relationships. We are emotional, embodied beings who miss out on the richness of people’s character and stories when we keep each other at arms-length.
6. Don’t Make Assumptions
Don’t assume that because people are veterans their difficulties in life or contemplation of suicide is a direct result of PTSD or combat experience. It may or may not be. But asking, ‘Is this because of all the things you saw?’ may inadvertently cause a veteran to invoke that haunt of honor and feel shame. The reality could be that they never had PTSD, but it’s easier to say ‘Yes,’ because they feel more honor associated with it than admitting their marriage is a mess because of the 100-hour work weeks the military demands. Don’t assume that because a person has PTSD it is because of combat. Though PTSD is over-diagnosed and over-filed for fraudulent disability requests, PTSD can happen for other reasons. For example, women in the military who have been raped have been traumatized and may suffer from PTSD.
7. Partner with Outside Help
Sometimes, helping someone struggling with PTSD or suicidal thoughts will quickly move beyond our expertise. I’ve included an appendix with some helpful ministries, non-profits, and resources to help guide the process of assisting someone.
The mistake we can make, though, is to think that the experts will take care of the person and provide for them better than we ever could. That isn’t entirely true. A counselor or psychologist does not have the relational capital, history, or time to be a friend to that person in the ways you can. Friendships and community can do wonders to heal the hearts of the wounded. Though most can appreciate the value of a good friendship, this is a distinctly Christian notion. Christ, who became a neighbor to us, who structures what community is to look like, and upholds friendships, is the reason these things are so notable and worthy. The gospel cannot be supplanted by counselor care. But we would be fools to think we can do nothing or that the counselor can do everything.
The Best Response We Can Have to Veteran Suicide
Suicide is permanent. It cannot be undone. Death cannot be rolled back. We cannot count on the person on the verge of suicide giving a second thought. There are no double takes, no do-overs. Prevention is the only way. We can help prevent suicide by casting down the unfulfilling idols of worship. We can press into the lack of community. We can grow superficial friendships deeper. We can help fill nights of depression with comfort and can minister to others through our presence, empathy, and listening. People ministering to someone contemplating suicide must bring the whole story of redemption, the full story of the gospel, and the fullness of Christ.
When responding to suicide, we impulsively look toward the creation of non-profits, ministries, and programs that specialize in dealing with PTSD, suicide, veterans, or all of the above. This is a double-edged sword. While it is often necessary to be equipped to deal with recognizing suicidal thoughts, and while it is good to have specialists who are competent in mental health, there are some complicating consequences.
When a program is created for a particular niche group, for example, homeless people, there is a natural affinity among homeless people to open up only to fellow homeless people. When the goal is to help someone build up to integrate back into the rhythms of normal life and community, the artificial community of homeless people is more appealing. This says a lot about the human desire for community. The same is true of veterans. Veterans are often naturally more comfortable around other veterans. The shared experiences, language, and culture make for a good fit. This is great for a support group, but also creates the difficulty of assisting veterans back in their lives and community.
The previous chapters have attempted to help others grow in empathy for veterans, to expose veterans to the truth of Scripture, and to subvert the cultural idols we turn to for comfort. Thus, it is incumbent not only upon the specialists, government programs, the VA, or the individual to reach out to veterans. It is for every Christian believer on mission for God. In other words, it is the church’s duty to care for those hurting, and the church is not composed of only one kind of person or specialty, but all kinds of people with varying experiences and specialties.
The best response to suicide will be by the church, through a relationally driven model that listens long, ministers patiently, and pursues others lovingly and tenaciously. Our best responses will not be those that reroute veterans to programs or prescriptions while ignoring the relationships that should be built through the local body. Can programs, ministries and non-profits help? Yes. Do they help? Yes. Should that be the replacement for our primary outlet of community? No. The relational cost may be high to press into a relationship with a struggling veteran. But the cost for neglecting those relationships is greater.
Content adapted from “Redeeming Warriors: Veteran Suicide, Grieving, and the Fight for Faith” by Joshua D. Holler, ©2020. Used by permission of Christian Focus.
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Sources
[1] Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2nd edition (New York: Continuum International, 2000).
[2] ‘Suicide Rising across the US,’ Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, June 7, 2018), https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/suicide/.
[3] Han K. Kang et al., ‘Suicide Risk Among 1.3 Million Veterans Who Were on Active Duty During the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars,’ Annals of Epidemiology 25, no. 2 (February 2015): pp. 96-100, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.annepidem.2014.11.020.
[4] Alan Zarembo, ‘Detailed Study Confirms High Suicide Rate Among Recent Veterans,’ Los Angeles Times (Los Angeles Times, January 14, 2015), https://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-veteran-suicide-20150115-story.html.
[5] At least two studies highlight this loose connection with PTSD and suicide as not being definitive. Jaimie L. Gradus, ‘PTSD and Death from Suicide,’ PTSD Research Quarterly 28, no. 4 (2017), www.ptsd.va.gov/publications/rq_docs/V28N4.pdf.
Holly C Wilcox, Carla L Storr, and Naomi Breslau, ‘Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Suicide Attempts in a Community Sample of Urban American Young Adults,’ Archives of General Psychiatry 66, no. 3 (March 2009): pp. 305-311, https://doi.org/doi:10.1001/archgenpsychiatry.2008.557.
[6] Stephen Losey, ‘With Deaths By Suicide Rising, Air Force Orders Resiliency Stand-Down,’ Air Force Times (Air Force Times, August 2, 2019), https://www.airforcetimes.com/news/your-air-force/2019/08/01/with-deaths-by-suicide-rising-air-force-orders-resiliency-stand-down/?utm_expid=.jFR93cgdTFyMrWXdYEtvgA.0&utm_referrer=.
[7] This single volume of thirty-eight articles on the topic of Veteran Suicide is the best single resource to follow this thread of evidence. Robert M. Bossarte, ed., Veteran Suicide: A Public Health Imperative (Washington,, DC: American Public Health Association, 2013).
[8] ‘Suicide in America: Frequently Asked Questions,’ National Institute of Mental Health (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services), accessed March 2, 2020, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/suicide-faq/index.shtml.
[9] Writing for Christianity Today, points out the increasingly common link between nutrition and depression for veterans: Paul Pastor, ‘One Hamburger, Hold the Depression, Please,’ CT Pastors (Leadership Journal, September 4, 2014), https://www.christianitytoday.com/pastors/2014/fall/one-hamburger-hold-depression-please.html.
[10] ‘Suicide Prevention – Mental Health,’ Veterans Affairs (VA, September 3, 2008), https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/suicide_prevention/.