“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.”
(James 4:1-2 NIV)

A Question My Mom Would Ask When I Was Angry

Whenever I was mad, my mom would ask me a question. “What is it you want that you’re not getting?”

I wondered how that question always worked.

When I thought about why I was angry, I realized there was always something I wanted that I couldn’t have. For example, when I was angry that my brother left on a Friday night to go out with his friends, it was because I wanted to join the fun evening and envied his friendships.

My mom’s insight both irked and intrigued me. How did she know that my anger was rooted in want? How did her question always expose me?

My mom borrowed this insight from the book of James in the Bible.

How James Counsels Us in Our Anger

All of the Bible is inspired by God, and men wrote it according to the direction of the Holy Spirit (1 Timothy 3:16; 2 Peter 1:21). The Holy Spirit is called the Counselor, and he has filled the Bible with counsel for us (John 14:26). In the book of James, we find the loving counsel of the Holy Spirit regarding our anger.

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.” (James 4:1-2 NIV)

Notice how James exposes the root of our anger, just like my mom exposed the root of mine. He says that you want but can’t have what you want. In other words, he asks us “What do you want that you’re not getting?”

A Couple Questions to Ask Yourself

Friend, are you angry today? Ask yourself this question. Yes, it feels invasive and exposing. But God’s Word doesn’t just cut to our hearts. Like a good physician, God always cuts, or wounds, that he may heal. He wants to deliver you from your anger, and that begins with understanding why you’re feeling it.

With the help of the Holy Spirit, James doesn’t leave us with that question. He continues counseling. “You do not have because you do not ask God” (James 4:2 NIV).

If you’re angry today, here are two questions to ask. First, what is it that you want that you’re not getting? Second, have you asked God for that thing you want?

Choose today to admit why you’re angry to God and talk to him about your desires.

James doesn’t stop there. If you are longing to learn more, open to James 4 and hear how he continues to counsel us in our anger.